This series is exploring the Roots of Addiction laid out in the book of Ephesians. You can start at the beginning here or watch Freedom Fight founder, Ted Shimer, as he provides the important context of our identity in Christ as a foundation for understanding the Roots to Addiction to help you address shame and porn addiction.
The Root: Shame.
The Solution: Live out an identity in Christ.
“…put on the new self, created after the likeness of God…”
– Ephesians 4:24
Shame is a deep sense of worthlessness. Shame leads to relapse and relapse leads to shame. It’s a vicious cycle. Shame becomes an identity that leads to self-hatred. When someone shares their shame and receives acceptance from others, it causes the shame to lift. Learning to replace a shame identity with an identity in Christ is a powerful step toward freedom from porn addiction.
Shame convinces us that we are unwanted, and we pursue behavior that confirms it.
– Jay Stringer
Shame is a powerful, destructive emotion. It can cause people to end relationships, sink into depression, develop addictions and even commit suicide. Shame is the most interconnected and influential of all the roots of addiction.
Before shame can be defeated, it must be understood.
Shame is different from guilt.
Guilt says, “I’ve done bad” but shame says, “I am bad.”
Guilt can be a healthy emotion when it shows a person their sin so that they can turn from it.
Shame, however, is toxic and makes people feel like they are unable to change because of an inherent personal flaw.
Shame uniquely fuels a porn addiction because of its interconnectedness to all of the other roots of addiction:
___________________________
For a more in-depth look at each Root as well as a deeper dive into how brain science and faith impact porn addiction, check out Ted’s Book, Freedom Fight.
___________________________
Shame Identity.
Shame is like an IV drip.
Little by little, it feeds the negative emotions that trigger porn use, which in turn, fuels shame messages of worthlessness. In time, if the IV is not interrupted, shame can become a person’s identity.
Breaking free from shame requires an understanding of where this toxic emotion comes from. When a person identifies the source of their shame, they can believe the truth about their identity instead.
5 Factors Leading to Shame:
- Sexualized Society
- Addicted Brain
- Negative Emotions
- Isolation
- Trauma
Shame is a major barrier to God’s people truly embracing their identity as beloved children of God. The shame-covered Christian may understand God’s love intellectually, but they don’t truly believe it, and they often feel emotionally numb to the love and acceptance of God.
Paul desperately wanted the Ephesian believers to understand the significance of God’s love for them and their identity in Christ. As mentioned earlier, Paul prays twice during his letter writing for his audience to truly understand the implications of these truths. He prays that the Ephesians “may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:18-19).
Part of being filled with all the fullness of God involves living out of the fullness of who we are in Christ. As much as Paul wants us to understand God’s love and our position in Christ, Satan wants us to miss it. Shame and the lies it delivers are one of Satan’s most destructive weapons.
Shame is a spiritual attack that keeps believers stuck in their old mindset and life. Satan’s name means accuser. He can’t stop our salvation, but through the accusations of shame, he can keep us from living the fullness of who we are in Christ. When someone starts believing the lies of shame attacks, they often reinforce those lies by repeating the accusations to themselves through negative self-talk.
Step away from shame of porn addiction into the Fullness of Christ.
For Christians who struggle with porn or other sexual sins, shame is the negative emotion that often triggers them to seek porn to numb the pain. The dopamine rush takes them from feeling worthless to amazing. That is until the shame comes roaring back, and the cycle continues. Because sexual sin goes against God’s standards and their morals, the shame multiplies. One of the saddest things I see is so many Christians today living out of a shame identity instead of their identity in Christ. Instead of seeing themselves as a beloved child of God who is more than a conqueror, they see themselves as worthless, disgusting to God, and hopelessly stuck.
The solution to shame is living out of identity in Christ. Paul commands, “… put off your old self… put on the new self, created after the likeness of God …” (v.22-24). We must ‘put off’ the self-condemnation of shame and put on our identity in Christ. Jesus and His work on the cross define us and our worth, not regrettable sins we have committed. Learning to live out of our identity in Christ is multi-layered and involves the other commands we have been looking at: renewing our minds, replacing lies with truth, pursuing holiness, authentic accountability, and processing our emotions. When these practices become a lifestyle, we can more consistently and fully live out of our identity in Christ.
Thoughts change people and eventually shape identities. Identities drive behavior.
It is not uncommon for addicts to self-sabotage their own recovery and progress because relapse reflects who they think they really are.
Many followers of Christ who are struggling with porn live with a deep sense of worthlessness. When someone hates themselves, it’s easy for them to assume that God feels the same way about them.
Instead, God has proclaimed His love for us.
But God demonstrates His own love for us in this:
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
– Romans 5:8
God’s Word must define reality for us- not our feelings, shame or the enemy’s accusations.
Looking for more resources to find freedom from shame and porn addiction?
The ROOTS blogs (Roots, #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6) are all content summarized from a more thorough and detailed account found in the The Freedom Fight book. Find freedom from shame and porn addiction. Buy the book it here.
