Part 3: If I confess my secret sin I’ll be rejected
What happens if you confess? No one gets free from porn addiction on their own. The first step toward freedom is confession, and that confession must happen with a trusted friend, mentor or spiritual leader. To do so, you have to deal with the lie that you’ll be rejected for coming clean.
Confession requires courage
Mustering up the strength to confess your secret porn addiction is hard, but it’s right and it’s necessary in order to get free from it. You have to be radically committed to be honest with yourself, God, and at least one other trusted person. There must be a radical commitment to taking off masks.
You are only as sick as your secrets
Each person needs someone with whom they can share everything without fear of being shamed. Dr. Ted Roberts, who has helped men find freedom from porn for over thirty years, says, “You are only as sick as your secrets.” The Bible tells us that confession starts the healing process.
“Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed” (James 5:16).
Not only will confession start the healing but it also allows you to receive the mercy and forgiveness of God which is what you need most.
“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)
Find the true source of your worth
When you say “…but I’ll be rejected,” you’re looking to others to affirm your worthiness. To face this lie, you first have to change your perspective. This lie says “confession will hurt your reputation.” When you choose instead to meditate on the truth that, in Christ, you’re blameless and fully pleasing to God, you’re able to see the lie for what it is. Practice replacing negative thoughts with truth and pray for eyes to see your worth in God.
Vulnerability is the key to defeating shame
When someone shares and the person on the other side of the confession responds with empathy and understanding, shame dies. Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown concluded that shame can’t survive empathy. In those moments of being accepted by others and released from shame, it becomes easier to believe and experience God’s acceptance. Receiving God’s love and acceptance defeats shame even more.
Sincere confession deepens friendship
If you believe you’ll be rejected for confessing your secret sin, know this: A sincere confession doesn’t lead to rejection. It deepens friendship. When one person is committed to honesty, it encourages the other friend to be real, too. This is what healthy friendship and accountability looks like. Rather than being rejected when you confess, what the vast majority of people find is that when they confess to a trusted friend or mentor they receive grace and respect because of their courage to be vulnerable.
Where do I start?
People need others to help them find freedom. If you need help finding a safe place to be vulnerable, The Freedom Fight can help. Ask God to give you the courage to share your struggle with someone you trust. If you don’t think you have that person a first step could be going to the Freedom Fight Community and sharing your story and reading the stories of others. For many this virtual community is where they have confessed first and that experience gave them the courage to confess in their local community. Don’t put it off: healing, mercy and freedom awaits. You can find the Freedom Fight community when you sign up for the Freedom Fight program by creating a free account.
