Part 2: I’ll Quit When I’m Married
In the first part of this series, we unpacked the first lie many Christians believe about porn – that porn simply isn’t that big of a deal. The second lie, “I’ll quit when I’m married,” actually builds on the first lie.
The single Christian who struggles with addiction to porn will use the prospect of sexual intimacy in marriage as an excuse to stay stuck. They reason, “I’ll do porn for now but once I’m married then I’ll quit. There are a few serious problems with this logic.
Flawed Logic
First, when you buy into the idea that you’ll just quit porn when you’re married, you’re admitting that porn isn’t that big of a deal (Lie #1). But it is a big deal, and choices you make before you’re married can have a serious impact on your relationship and intimacy after you’re married.
Second, holding onto this lie is saying to yourself, “I’m in control, I can handle the habit and I’ll just stop when I’m ready.” The research on porn simply doesn’t support this way of thinking. Data clearly says the opposite: it’s not simple to quit porn with the flip of a switch because for many, it’s an addiction. Porn stimulates the brain like any other drugs. Recovering from porn addiction – just like breaking free from other drug addictions – takes time and intentionality. If you don’t think you’re addicted take our 30 Day Challenge which is a free program where you go without porn or masturbation for 30 days while working through daily content related to overcoming a porn addiction.
Believing This Lie Has Consequences
Thirdly, there are a countless number of guys who believed this lie only to break their wife’s heart and in many cases ended up destroying their marriage. Believing this lie has consequences. The impact of pornography on husbands and fathers has been known to cause divorces two to three times greater than if there was no porn involved. Those who use porn are 318% more likely to eventually physically cheat on their spouse than non-porn users.
Fourthly, the longer you wait to face the truth and deal with the roots of your porn addiction, the more difficult it will be to quit. It’s also more likely that you’ll deal with tangible, physical consequences. Erectile dysfunction (ED) has exploded in men under 40. In 1992, before the internet only 5% of men under 40 had ED but by 2014 it jumped to 33%. Many experts believe that internet porn is the reason for this massive increase, with a growing number of studies showing a correlation between porn and ED. These men have rewired their sexual arousal around images on a computer screen instead of a real person, so now they can’t get aroused by a person but images on a computer still do it for them.
Grow by Developing Areas that Address the Roots of the Addiction
If you’re going to overcome a porn addiction, you must grow by developing in areas that address the roots of the addiction. To say “I’ll quit when I get married” is to ignore the reality that porn is an addiction that can only be overcome by addressing the root causes behind them. To quit porn, you have to be willing to outgrow it.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2)
The Freedom Fight teaches a tool to help you renew your mind by building new neurological pathways in your brain. Repetition got you into the addiction and repetition of a new pathway will help get you out. Renewing the mind takes time and addresses only one of the roots of a porn addiction.
Saying I’ll Quit When I Get Married is a Cold Turkey Approach. It Doesn’t Work.
There’s a pattern to addressing the roots of addiction: it requires intentional practices that take time and discipline. The notion that you’ll quit porn when you’re married assumes you can abruptly stop a habit that’s likely been shaped over many years. We know from countless studies that this abrupt or cold turkey approach doesn’t work when trying to quit porn.
Waiting until marriage to quit using porn isn’t just a lie but it’s a lie with the devastating result that you stay stuck. But if you’re willing to take the first step, The Freedom Fight is here to help you on the journey toward healing and lasting freedom from porn addiction. It takes strength and courage to face the lies that can hold you back, but using a time-tested, biblically based and scientifically informed resource like the Freedom Fight, you can quit porn now, before you’re married.
