Alone is a gripping reality TV show that drops survivalists into inhospitable environments with minimal tools and resources, challenging them to outlast their counterparts.

Set against harsh landscapes like the Arctic or the vastness of Patagonia, contestants face physical survival and the psychological toll of profound solitude.

The premise is clear: endure or quit.

While there is always a winner, some even lasting eighty days or more, the undeniable truth is that all participants eventually retreat back to the comforts and familiarity of civilization.

The show “Alone” has tapped into a profound truth that Christians have known for a long time:

We are not created to be alone.

Viewers watch as contestants battle the relentless elements with makeshift shelters, but their greatest adversary is themselves and the isolation that engulfs them.

Trying to overcome porn addiction alone will offer something similar to the contestants on Alone: isolation, despair, and the inevitable end of your journey.

The fight against porn addiction cannot be won in isolation.

It’s hard to know which comes first, isolation or porn use, because porn and isolation feed and fuel each other. Porn leads to isolation, and isolation leads to porn.

A recent survey showed that 30% of Millennials (born between 1981–1996) are lonely, and 22% say they have no friends. Gen Z (born from the late 1990s to the 2010s) is even lonelier.

Isolation makes people hungry for the intimacy they crave.

How to Quit Porn in an Isolated World

This might appear counterintuitive to many, but one of the major draws of pornography is the (fake) intimacy it offers.

The temptation for isolation is to find comfort, control, and connection through pornography rather than risk the vulnerability or potential rejection from a real person interaction.

One man recently explained to me why he didn’t really date. “I get all the best girls through porn and it’s a lot easier”. Pornography provides a fantasy realm to feel accepted and desired by others. Porn and hookups provide fake intimacy that makes them more tempting beyond just sexual gratification.

Being wanted by another in the fantasy of porn speaks deeply to a person’s desire for significance, worth, and love. The lack of intimacy many people feel today can be filled temporarily by the fake intimacy of porn or a hookup.

Not only does porn lead to isolation, but isolation makes porn more tempting.

When a person has less bonding and intimacy in their life, the fake intimacy of porn becomes more appealing to them. And many don’t realize this is one of the draws of porn.

We all thirst for intimacy, and porn is a cheap, hollow substitute to meet this need. When a desperately thirsty man comes to the ocean, he shouldn’t drink the water because the salt within will only increases his thirst.

Porn promises to be a thirst quencher for intimacy, but it is a short-term solution that will only dehydrate the heart and soul of the person.

True intimacy will be thwarted if the porn user is bonded to their porn.

Avoiding What We Need

Chasing after fake intimacy online or through pornography merely avoids what the porn addict needs: authentic connection.

Samuel Perry summarizes his research on the impact of porn on a person’s spiritual life, “Any porn use is associated with declines in religious commitment (i.e. prayer and attending services) and an increase in religious doubts. 

A porn addict is willing to avoid the very thing they need: communion with God and others.

We’ve heard countless stories that sound like this:

If I viewed pornography, I hid from God. I avoided talking to him.

If I had remaining guilt or shameful feelings from viewing porn, I would refrain from any activity that reminded me of God.

I felt too ashamed to pray, attend worship events, and read the Bible while using porn.

When I see the Bible, I feel guilt and try to avoid it. I’ll knowingly not look at my nightstand because I know the Bible’s right there.

When individuals lack a community or are isolated, it creates an environment ripe for addictions to flourish. We’ve come to understand that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety; it’s connection, and the life of a porn addict in isolation will never yield sobriety.

Quitting Porn: Success in Community

Dr. Patrick Carnes, a sex addiction authority, surveyed over 600 recovered sex addicts. He identified the two most important factors they said helped them find freedom. The number-one factor was reliance on God or a higher power. The second factor was in a small group. Connecting with God and others. 

A breakthrough can occur when the man or woman struggling with porn experiences being loved and accepted by others in the community.

A small group brings acceptance, safety, accountability, encouragement, and processing that can’t be found elsewhere. It’s a place where people“confess their sins to one another,” as James commands.

Where pornography isolates us from intimacy, a connection with God and others increases our capacity to experience intimacy.

Even in a perfect world with a perfect God and a perfect man, God recognized our need for human companionship. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. Gen. 2:18

God created us to need human companionship. And we need it all the more to overcome a porn addiction.

The root of isolation is addressed head-on by forging authentic relationships. Growing in true intimacy will help the struggler outgrow the fake intimacy of porn, hooking up, or fantasy.

To outgrow porn, a person must deepen their relationships with God and others.

Taking the 30-Day Challenge: A Journey to Quit Porn

You don’t just quit a porn habit but must outgrow it at a heart level, and you can’t do it alone.

It feels daunting, but our 30-Day Challenge is a great place to start as we lock our phones, lean on our community, and begin to walk toward holiness.

Pursuing holiness is a journey, not a one-time event. But it is worth it. Separating from the sexualized society and taking steps towards holiness is taking steps towards a life of freedom, joy, peace, and greater intimacy with God.

No one wants to be like the crazy survivalists struggling to withstand the Arctic in a makeshift tent alone, so find your community with us